How to prioritise self-care this festive season

Updated December 2024 | 5 min read
Expert contributor Jacqui Manning, psychologist
Words by Alana Wulff

Christmas should be a time of celebration, but for many it can be a stressful period marked by unrealistic expectations, family tension and financial pressures. Here’s how to bring peace and joy back to your silly season.

As the countdown to Christmas draws closer, the tension and expectation associated with the festive season start to rise. From hosting the perfect event to sourcing the most picture-perfect decorations, our desire to create memorable festive moments can often lead to feelings of anxiety, tension, loneliness and even guilt.

In fact, a 2022 Red Cross survey found 31% of Australians regularly experienced loneliness around Christmas, with 44% of men aged 18 to 34 reporting feeling isolated. The Department of Health and Aged Care also advises it’s not uncommon for Australians to feel frustrated, sad, fatigued and tense over the end-of-year holiday season.

“In Australia, there’s extra pressure around Christmas because it’s right when we’re winding up the working year and finishing school – so it comes at a time when we’re already feeling ragged and tired,” says psychologist Jacqui Manning. “Layering expectations of an amazing Christmas on top of this can cause so much stress as our expectations don’t always meet our reality.”

To combat these feelings, Jacqui suggests considering what you and your family can manage during this time.

Revisit family traditions regularly

The most effective way to do this is to conduct a review of your festive traditions on a regular basis. Family finances, dynamics and needs change over the years and so should our traditions, says Jacqui. 

“For so many of us, Christmas includes traditions and rituals. While these rituals are lovely reminders of past Christmases, they can also be unrealistic at times and may not fit into your world anymore,” she says. “Ask yourself – is this actually bringing us joy or are we doing this for the sake of it?”

If the personal cost is high and the benefit is low, Jacqui suggests amending your plans. This could be changing the kinds of presents that are expected, the types of food that are served (hot dinners with lots of sides can be complicated affairs) and perhaps reconsider who you see at Christmas time.

For example, perhaps this year your Christmas might be a smaller gathering, with only presents for the children over a low-key barbecue where everyone brings a dish.

“There’s no need to stick to old traditions at the cost of everyone’s mental health,” she adds. “Don’t just assume it’s business as usual – ask your family if this is what they actually want this year,” she adds.

Not only does this approach allow us to analyse our long-held beliefs, it enables us to adapt the festive season to our current stage of life.

“Life changes, children, new jobs, new houses… family dynamics evolve,” she adds. “Look at your particular circumstances and work out what will be achievable this year while still being able to bring joy to the experience.”

Rethink your financial burden

As Australia continues to grapple with a cost-of-living crisis, Jacqui also recommends eliminating financial pressures where possible by embracing a more honest perspective.

“If you’re feeling financially strapped, be upfront and let everyone know you’ll be taking it a bit easier this year with the celebrations,” she says.

For example, rethink whether you want to host Christmas this year or only invite immediate family or just visit one side of the family and not both this year.

Another way to reduce your financial stress is to rethink presents. To save money, consider smaller presents, handmade presents (like cookies or granola) or even upcycled gifts from second-hand stores. Kris Kringle is another great idea, where you only bring a present for one person (who you buy for is arranged beforehand, so everyone receives something).

“Gifts are meant to be special because of the thought behind them, so look at your budget and see whether you can show your appreciation in other ways that are thoughtful but won’t break the bank,” she adds. 

The bottom line when planning your holiday season, she says, is to ask yourself whether going “above and beyond” with your celebrations, gifts and meals will cause financial pain for you and your family into the new year, and, if so, is it worth it?

“The tradition of Christmas is about bringing your loved ones together however that looks,” she adds. “Whether you’re on a budget or not, try to put an emphasis on showing that love in a way that’s thoughtful and considered.”

Navigating unhealthy family dynamics

If there’s one thing many of us can relate to, it’s the stress of navigating an unhealthy family dynamic or challenging family member. This is an issue Jacqui sees regularly in her own practice.

“There’s no easy answer for dealing with unhealthy family dynamics but the more you can protect your boundaries this year, the better,” she explains.

Some ways to establish those boundaries might include only showing up to a family gathering for a short amount of time, choosing not to show up at all or perhaps seeing your family members separately over the festive period and enjoying a quiet Christmas at home.

If forgoing festivities is impossible, Jacqui says to consider speaking to a trusted family member or friend about your worries and concerns, or ask them to help monitor your mood on the day.

This could be by having regular check-ins with each other, a ‘safe word’ if you’re feeling like you need support or simply going for a walk with them to break up the afternoon or evening.

Lastly, Jacqui suggests having an exit strategy so you can leave at a time of your choosing to limit the potential for anxiety.

“If you know you’re going to want to leave early, try to limit your drinks so you can drive, or pre-book a taxi at a specific time,” she says. “These sorts of practical factors can leave you feeling more empowered.”

Importantly, Jacqui urges people to remember that often it’s the anticipation of something going wrong that can be most debilitating.

Try not to overindulge in food or drink

The holiday season can be challenging for those looking to maintain a healthy weight. While you
may be tempted to reach for an extra slice of Christmas pudding or ask for a top-up of wine during festive celebrations, knowing how these indulgences may affect your digestion and trigger your mood can help with forward planning on the big day.

“Know your own triggers and be honest with yourself,” says Jacqui. “If drinking, or eating added sugar, increases your anxiety or makes you feel a certain way, consider going alcohol-free or limiting your sugar intake that day, because we know these can exaggerate feelings,” says Jacqui.

There are many ways to reduce your sugar intake, limit the amount of alcohol you drink and rethink your portion sizes as well as the kinds of foods you serve up for Christmas, says Jacqui. The key is working out which ways work for your lifestyle and your family. 

Be kind to yourself

For many, Christmas can be particularly challenging as the celebrations can highlight those friends and family members who are no longer with us or no longer part of our lives, or they may remind us of past Christmases and celebrations. Some people may find they don’t have anyone they want to spend Christmas with, and that can trigger feelings of loneliness as well. It can help to talk about those feelings with someone, says Jacqui.

“The holidays can bring up the losses you’ve experienced in your life, whether that’s recent or past losses of people or relationships,” says Jacqui. “If this happens, just know you’re not alone, even if you feel like you’re the only one experiencing your particular situation.”

One of the most effective ways to combat these feelings is to include a little self-care in your routine. Jacqui recommends exploring new ways to find joy during the festive period, which may include volunteering, spending time with friends, gentle exercises or cooking something special for yourself.

“The key is to do something that helps you feel like you’re not missing out on all the aspects of Christmas you used to enjoy,” she says. “Importantly, be kind to yourself – this discomfort will pass.”

Reduce screen time during the holiday period

Avoiding screen time, both social media and television, or at least limiting yourself to half an hour online a day, can help, she adds. Not only are our screens filled with Christmas movies, holiday specials and news stories about the season, but social media can be a minefield of emotions, too.

“People tend to post the highlights of their day on social media, and it can feel like everyone else is having the time of their life and a much better time than you,” she says.

Just remember, she adds, social media and movies aren’t real. No one has a perfect life and social media only shows snippets of someone’s day, not the whole 24 hours.

“Make sure you place a ‘handbrake’ on yourself: you could keep your phone out of reach, remove your social media apps from your screen or home page for a few days or even leave it at home when you go out,” says Jacqui. “Anything to avoid spending too long looking at everyone’s highlight reels. Anyone’s life can look perfect in 60 seconds!”

Need a little support in the festive season?

We know how important looking after your mental wellbeing is during the festive season, but it can be hard to reach out for help when you're feeling anxious, stressed or in need of extra support. That's why our mental health offering includes a free HealthyMinds Check-in for eligible members^*. The HealthyMinds Check-in is a one-on-one telehealth appointment with a PSYCH2U psychologist about how you’re feeling, with guidance to personalised support at the end of your session. Or you can chat to your GP or contact Beyond Blue’s support service on 1300 224 636.